Boundaries – 9
Subject – Boundaries on the Inside
by Rick Welborne
Galatians 6:1-8 (NKJV)
1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.
2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
6 Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches.
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.
2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
6 Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches.
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
--For the last several weeks we have been dealing with boundaries and responsibilities as it deals with others. We have talked about parents, kids, brothers and sisters in the church.
--Today we are going to take this issue to a new level and we are going to get real. Every now and then someone will come in for counseling who is honest enough to admit truth.
--Pastor, there is someone in my life who has major boundary problems…this person has major issues with eating disorders, an out of control tongue, and this person is not dependable.
--This person lets me down every time I turn around. This person spends money like it grows on trees and is never willing to pay it back. This person has major issues. Who is this person? It is me!
--You see it is so much easier for me to set limits on those around me. We know boundaries are biblical and hopefully we are learning to set boundaries on those we have relationship with. What about us?
Walt Kelly’s Pogo Possum – We have met the enemy, and he is us.
--Today instead of looking at the control and manipulation of others, we will be looking at our responsibility to control our own selves…our own bodies. Did I mention we are about to get real?
--Instead of looking at our outer boundary conflicts with other people, we will be looking at our internal boundary conflicts. This may get a little uncomfortable.
--Let me encourage you that instead of resisting what I am going to be sharing with you, that you take an honest humble look inward at yourselves. Be willing to receive instruction and correction.
1. We have the tendency to be out of control.
A. Eating
--Did I mention this could get touchy? Let me say up front that there are people who have health issues and those who take medications that make them gain weight. Today is an inward look…not about others.
--It is not just about gaining weight…it can be about losing weight also. I am trying to help a family who has a daughter battling with anorexia. They do not attend our church. This girl sees herself as huge…she is tiny.
--Gaining weight or how we feel about our weight has an impact on everything we do. Many people who struggle with their weight isolate themselves which makes them more depressed. They eat more.
--People who have high stress jobs (pastoring is stressful) and people who work more than your normal eight hour days tend to look for comfort…There is a reason they call junk food comfort food.
--There is so much shame and self-hate associated with this because most of the time it is noticed by others. They feel so much shame for their behavior that it drives them away from relationships and back to food.
--Both chronic and binge overeaters suffer from internal boundary problems. This relationship with food becomes a false substitute for real relationships which could help us be accountable.
--Caution: Church people can be brutally honest about everything including being overweight. Pastor, you are really getting big…lots of chocolate and Mexican food I guess. Get mad or get motivated. Maybe both.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NKJV)
26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
27 nor give place to the devil.
26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
27 nor give place to the devil.
B. Money
Bumper Sticker – I can’t be overdrawn—I still have checks left!
--People have tremendous problems in so many areas dealing with money. Impulse spending, careless budgeting, living beyond your means, credit cards, and even enabling others.
--People often misquote this verse when they say “money is the root of all evil.”
1 Timothy 6:10 (NKJV)
10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
--The problem often isn’t the high cost of living—it’s the cost of high living. If our financial outgo exceeds our input, it is a self-boundary issue. You end up being a slave to the creditors. Important to obey God.
Romans 6:16 (NLT2)
16 Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.
16 Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.
C. Time
--We all know people (may be us) whose time is always out of control. Eleventh hour people constantly on the edge of deadlines. Their day gets away from them. Not enough hours in the day.
--These people come into meetings 15 minutes late and breathlessly apologize…the traffic, too much work, and issues with the kids. They hardly experience what this verse says.
Proverbs 13:19 (NKJV)
19 A desire accomplished is sweet to the soul, But it is an abomination to fools to depart from evil.
19 A desire accomplished is sweet to the soul, But it is an abomination to fools to depart from evil.
--People who have time issues always end up inconveniencing others whether they mean to or not. Maybe they take on too much or they feel they have to have their hand in everything.
--They have the inability to think ahead and they never give thought to the inconvenience their lateness always causes others. It is so disrespectful to the rest of the team.
D. Task Completion
--Closely related to the time boundary issue is task completion…it deals with finishing well. Paul said I have fought the fight; I have finished the race…Jesus said…It is finished. Task completed.
--These people seem to be great starters but many find themselves to be unable to be good finishers. Something new and shiny comes by and they start something new. Driving their pastors crazy! Why poor finishers:
--Many poor finishers feel it is demeaning to submit to the discipline of a plan. They want freedom. They may even fear success and what that may require of them…don’t want their friends to think less of them.
--The nuts and bolts of a project are boring to them. They would much rather birth the idea and then, quickly turn it over to someone to complete it. Pastor Rick, I have an idea. Are you willing to complete it?
--They have extreme trouble with being distracting and keeping their concentration for long periods of time. I suggest we send them to concentration camps.
--They take on other jobs (something new) before they get through with the one they started. They do not seem to have time to finish any job well. They are like toddlers.
--Obviously it is easy to see boundary problems with those who struggle to complete tasks. Their internal disciple has not been developed enough to finish anything.
E. The Tongue
--All of us can name someone who (unless restrained) will talk non-stop and will have their stories changing each episode you hear. They do not get to the point because there is no point.
--My son Jeremy came home years ago when he still lived at home and asked me if I had heard a certain person’s story about their military experience. I asked him which version. He laughed.
Ecclesiastes 5:2-3 (NKJV)
2 Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.
3 For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool's voice is known by his many words.
2 Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.
3 For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool's voice is known by his many words.
--The book of James tells us that the tongue can be a source of blessings or a source of cursing. It can be a blessing when we use it to encourage, to strengthen, to comfort, and to exhort.
--It can be a curse when we talk non-stop to hide from intimacy, dominate conversations to control others, to gossip, to be sarcastic, to threaten, to flatter falsely, and to seduce.
Proverbs 10:19 (NLT2)
19 Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
19 Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
Proverbs 17:27 (NIV)
27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint…
27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint…
Restraint – Greek – The free action of holding something or someone back.
--That being said…we have the power to set boundaries on what comes out of our mouths. Even if you say you can’t control it, you are still responsible for your words. I just don’t have a filter.
Cloud and Townsend – Our words do not come from somewhere outside of us, as if we were a ventriloquist’s dummy. They are the product of our hearts. Our saying, “I didn’t mean that,” is probably better translated, “I didn’t want you to know I thought that about you.” We need to take responsibility for our words.
Matthew 12:36-37 (NIV)
36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
F. Sexuality
--The church has discovered that ignoring the problems dealing with sexual problems, not only does not make them go away, but they get worse. I said we were going to get real today.
--Please do not be shocked if you hear words in a moment that you feel church is not the place for them. Years ago we had an evangelist come who dealt with the filth on the internet and in movies. He used strong words.
--A couple got terribly offended (they were in leadership) and did not come to the last two nights of the meetings. Instead of coming, he later told me they went to a R-rated movie which had sex and violence in it.
--His misunderstanding about not wanting to hear it in church but it was ok outside the church was obvious. We are the temple (the church) of Holy Spirit and where two are gathered in His Name…He is there. Hypocritical!
--Let’s face it, sexual problems are predominant in the church. Heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, child molestation, masturbation, phone sex and others are happening even with God’s people.
--Many fighting this out of control battle feel deeply isolated and shameful. Sexual addiction is a beast that never gets filled up no matter how many times you try. You just get deeper into darkness. It is progressive.
--All of these issues and more are not resolved by simply saying no to them. There are people here today that I am sure they have said no thousands of times just to return again to the problem. Secretly say amen!
--So why doesn’t our no work? We are our own worst enemy. We have seen the enemy and he is us. Also, when we struggle in these areas we withdraw from relationships when we need them the most.
--We, like Adam and Eve, have a tendency to hide from God and people when we sin and mess up. Because of shame and insecurity, we turn inward and think we can handle these problems ourselves or blame others.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NKJV)
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
--Finally, we try to use willpower to overcome these deep rooted issues. The problem with this is that it is short lived. You should just quit! Just say no! You must choose to stop! Willpower alone is useless against this.
Colossians 2:21-23 (NIV)
21 "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"?
22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings.
23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
21 "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"?
22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings.
23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
--The truth is you cannot just will it to happen because if you could, many of you would be living in freedom after all your trying. Today is the day…I will stop…Never again…Our words haunt us when we fall again.
Romans 7:23-25 (NKJV)
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
25 I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
25 I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Romans 8:1-3 (NKJV)
1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh,
1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh,
--So what’s my answer: Relationship. Relationship with Jesus, Holy Spirit, and others to keep us accountable.
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