Leadership - Will You Lead - 6 - Discipline

Subject: How To Address Issues

by Rick Welbourne

　

Matthew 18:15-17 (NKJV) 

15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'

17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT) 

15 "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17 (MSG)

15 "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend.

16 If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.

17 If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love.

–When I look at these verses I see a plan for us to follow when we have something against another believer...this is definitely a test of your leadership.

–It is so easy for these verses to get overlooked and even abused when our pride or spirit has been wounded.

–We either use these verses as a means of going after someone or we use them as an excuse for whatever choice we make against the person we are dealing with.

–When we approach someone with an attitude of attacking them, their character, or their perceived sin against us we are not truly following these verses the way that Christ intended

–When we blame others for not coming to us personally and trying to work out the offense...we sometimes throw up a smoke screen to cover our sin.

–If we do not keep the scriptures in their context they become a pretext (a cover) to have our own way instead of what the Word and Jesus intended.

–So what was the context of these verses that Jesus was talking about? Jesus had just given the parable of the lost sheep and how we leave the 99 to find the one: He says:

Matthew 18:14 (NLT) 

14 In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.

–Keeping it in context here in these verses it is easy to see that Jesus was concerned that the two spoken of work out their differences.

–Jesus points out the need and the purpose of these verses is for their to be reconciliation and healing of the relationship...you talk about challenging your leadership skills.

1. Jesus says for there to be reconciliation there must be communication.

–You do not have to have a degree to find out that a major problem in the home, church, business is a lack of communication or mis-communicating.

–The reason the scriptures are so clear on going directly to the person that you have an issue with is because confusion bakes in the heart of the uninformed.

–You can talk to five different people about the issue at hand and get five different versions of the same story...none which will represent the whole truth of the situation.

–Going to and communicating with the person directly will cut through the bull (believing unbelievable little lies) and help to resolve the situation.

–Most situations can be resolved quickly if the two parties sit down and reason together...

More likely than not you will find it was just a misunderstanding.

–Way too much drama has occurred in work places, churches, and homes because everyone was talked to except the person who really mattered. I think that is called gossip!

Psalm 15:1-3 (NLT) 

1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts.

3 Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.

–Rob Ketterling says that true leaders do what these verses say and they lead by example. He says:

A. Be excellent in everything you do. Excellence isn’t an idea but is a foundation of dedicated leaders.

B. Do what you say you will do. Don’t be careless with the words you use. People are looking for reasons to discredit leaders; don’t give them the ammunition to use against you.

C. Make people important. You’ll never regret the time spent developing relationships. When people know they matter to you, they’ll be more loyal and supportive.

D. Encourage cooperation. When people work together, they gain a new appreciation for the overall mission of the organization and the contributions other people make.

E. Deal quickly with conflict. Conflicts are inevitable. Left unattended, they usually get worse. Few people like to deal with conflicts, but good leaders do it anyway.

Matthew 18:15 (NLT) 

15 "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

–So many times we refuse to go to the other person because of pride or intimidation. We must be biblical in dealing with others...remember you reap what you sow.

–Maybe it won’t work out but at least you have done your part as you go in love and with the right attitude. You may just win the person back and heal the relationship.

–Warning: When you go to others instead of the person you have the issue with, someone else may take up your offense...this is bad news...they are usually more upset.

–If you work it out with your brother or sister that does not mean the one who took up your offense will do the same...Read the book Bait of Satan by John Bevere.

F. Invest in others. Are you developing other leaders or is it all about you? Good leaders understand their responsibility for strengthening the organization by empowering people to learn and grow.

–All of these points by Ketterling pretty much take communication to make them happen. Before you let a relationship die please go to the person and try to talk it out.

If you talk it out you can work it out!

–From a pastor’s perspective...before you just walk away, at least have the courtesy to come, sit down, and talk about what the issue is. I share this in New Member’s class.

–We may still disagree and we may still part ways but at least we can do it biblically and do it with the love of Christ...the Kingdom of God is blessed with this attitude.

Proverbs 6:16-19 (NKJV) 

16 These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: 

17 A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, 

18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, 

19 A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren. 

2. Jesus says for there to be reconciliation there must be cooperation. 

–As a Christian and as a leader I have been amazed how hard people work at not getting along and how hard they work to not cooperate.

–It is so interesting that in the very same chapter where it talks about people communicating to reconcile that it also goes on and talks about cooperating.

Matthew 18:19-20 (NKJV) 

19 Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.

20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."

–If we truly gather in His Name, there should be no divisions among us and there should be a willingness to resolve things quickly. Sign of a true Christian leader.

–Let’s keep these verses in context: Jesus is talking about none of the sheep being hurt or lost...He is also talking about working out problems with fellow believers.

–Jesus then says...I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything (the anything here is whatever the issue was) that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.

–What this is saying is that Jesus and the Father are available for believers who have issues with each other to help them work out their differences.

–Sadly we go to everyone else (usually politicking for our side) instead of to Jesus... because of this, differences are not resolved and people are hurt.

Also, the Kingdom of God suffers too because offenses have a way of getting to the ears of the lost...they think, if that is how Christians treat each other, it is not for me.

–Leaders and Christians in general need to humble themselves in the sight of God and allow God to be the one Who brings peace to a bad situation.

James 4:1-10 (NLT) 

1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?

2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.

3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

4 You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God.

5 What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy?

6 But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but favors the humble."

7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.

9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.

10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. 

–Illustration: Two people in opposition facing one another...contentious. One decides to turn to the Lord, humble himself, and bow. Who does that leave the person who has not humbled himself facing? Jesus. Let Jesus deal with the person.

3. Jesus says for there to be reconciliation there must be restoration. 

–The goal of these verses is for there to be restoration...restoration with the boss and the employee, restoration with the husband and wife, restoration of pastor and church member.

–True Christian leadership strives toward unity and restoration and the different translations say it this way: you have gained your brother...you have won that person back...you've made a friend.

–Obviously Peter (who had a big mouth) was ‘kind of’ struggling with this whole concept. In the same chapter it goes on and says this.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV) 

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

–Jesus was saying your brother has to really be a royal mess up for you not to keep forgiving him.

–My word to people is this...If you have forgiven someone 490 times and they sin against you again...please forgive them but find a new brother to hang around.

–It might be time for you to find a new friend.

–So here’s the conclusion...if someone sins against you...Communicate with them in love,

Cooperate with the Lord in reconciliation, allow there to be restoration and forgiveness.