Boundaries

Boundaries

Subject – Our Lives are a Matter of Boundaries

by Rick Welborne

Proverbs 22:28 (NKJV)
²⁸  Do not remove the ancient landmark Which your fathers have set. 

Nehemiah 1:1-4 (NKJV)
¹  The words of Nehemiah the son of Hachaliah. It came to pass in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Shushan the citadel,
²  that Hanani one of my brethren came with men from Judah; and I asked them concerning the Jews who had escaped, who had survived the captivity, and concerning Jerusalem.
³  And they said to me, "The survivors who are left from the captivity in the province are there in great distress and reproach. The wall of Jerusalem is also broken down, and its gates are burned with fire."
⁴  So it was, when I heard these words, that I sat down and wept, and mourned for many days; I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven. 

--Before I went on vacation and while I was on vacation I could not get this idea (this concept) of boundaries out of my mind. I read and wrote notes daily but still could not get clear direction.

--Now I am at General Council and still struggling to formulate my thoughts. Today I went back and read other sermons where I have preached about boundaries…it helped yet I still struggled.

--Obviously we see boundaries crossed all around us every day. It is called trespassing which is one of the Bible words for sin. Trespassing is sin. It hurts people when boundaries are crossed.

--Nehemiah’s heart was broken when he saw the distress that Jerusalem (God’s people) were in. The walls which represented the boundaries were broken down and the gates were burned. 

--Your pastors, your leadership’s hearts are broken quite often when we see boundaries that are crossed, by those who know better, and when you know they are headed for a load of pain.

--Of course, sin is always fun and exciting for a season but eventually what seemed to bring so much excitement and pleasure now begins to catch up with you. 

--Israel’s sin had led them into captivity and into a place of pain and bondage. Now those who had survived the captivity and had escaped were back home but there was a problem.

--Their boundaries had been broken down and their gates had been burned down. They had no protection from the enemy and something had to be down.

--Someone has to be broken hearted about the lack of boundaries in our churches and in our lives, enough so, that something has to be done about it. Nehemiah did something:

Nehemiah 1:5-7 (NKJV)
⁵  And I said: "I pray, LORD God of heaven, O great and awesome God, You who keep Your covenant and mercy with those who love You and observe Your commandments,
⁶  please let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open, that You may hear the prayer of Your servant which I pray before You now, day and night, for the children of Israel Your servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel which we have sinned against You. Both my father's house and I have sinned.
⁷  We have acted very corruptly against You, and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses.

--I have noticed much misery in the church because people do not recognize that their lives have to be lives of boundaries…not just what we do or do not do but also what we allow others to do or do not do to us. 

--Please understand all I am about to share with you…Tricia and I have walked through. Some of it we did real well and other things were definitely learning experiences that we could have done better. 

--We (most of us) have had kids where we struggled with where to draw the line (set boundaries) in our kid’s lives especially when they are teenagers. We wonder what happened to them?

--Those of you who have young children or pre-teens please listen. Enjoy the years you are in now where your kids think you are great, smart, and fun because soon something will happen. 

--It is almost like it happens overnight…I think it is called puberty. Their bodies will be turned on and their brains will be turned off. They will think you are dumb, mean, and an old fuddy duddy. 

--We almost cannot believe the change…one day they loved us and the next day they are screaming at us about how much they hate us. They tell us how unfair we are to them. No one else has it as bad as they do. 

--If there has ever been a time they need boundaries, it is now. Hear me, this is a time they want you to compromise your boundaries to accommodate them moving theirs. Don’t do it!

--We find ourselves in conferences (meetings) with teachers or with pastors defending junior or juniorette because they have never been this way before. This cannot be my child. 

--I have had parents angrily look me right in the eyes and tell me…It is not possible that my kids did what you are saying they did because we asked them and we know our kids would never lie. Oh, they lied.

--If you ever want proof that we were conceived in sin from the womb just listen to young kids and teenagers lie and do it so incredibly well. (Video with kid eating the candy). I didn’t do it. Really?

--Boundaries can be and are crossed every day even by people who should know better and who should truly be ashamed of themselves. Look at what God’s Word says about giving:

 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (NIV)
⁶  Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
⁷  Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 

--Years ago I went to check on one of our widows (with the Lord now) and she was an emotional wreck. She was an extremely faithful believer and was very supportive. I asked her why she was crying.

--There was a telethon on TV and they had a book they were giving away ($5) but you had to send in a minimal of $75 to get the book. She had already given three times in the telethon and could not afford anything else.

--I told her I was going to help her…you will give me the money…nope! I will buy the book for you for $5. Also, I am going to help you more…I turned off her TV. Why? Because boundaries were being crossed.

--Whoever was challenging people to give at that time was crossing lines of getting people to give under compulsion (psychologically forcing them to give). This widow’s income was less than $800 a month.

--I turned the program off which stopped them from trespassing (crossing boundaries) on this lady’s property. I also told her she had to stop allowing people to do that to her. She had to enforce biblical boundaries in her life.

--Many times people (even other believers) are trespassing over our boundaries and it needs to stop. People love to guilt us into doing things that cause us hurt and frustration which leads to bitterness. 

--People come up with good questions about people crossing boundaries: 

1. Can I set limits (boundaries) and still be a loving person?

2. What are legitimate boundaries?

3. What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

4. How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?

5. Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

6. How do boundaries relate to submission?

7. Aren’t boundaries selfish? 

--Many times even in the church we are misinformed by people, who possibly have good intentions, condemning us for trying to set legitimate boundaries that will keep us safe.

--Not only that but clinical psychologist tells us that depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, impulsive disorders, guilt problems, shame issues, panic disorders, marital issues find their root in boundary conflicts.

--Let’s face it, so many people do not know where to draw the line or where to set boundaries in what they do and what they allow others to do to them. Even those close to them. Especially those close to them. 

--In my restaurant ministry I am dealing with someone who has been physically abused multiple times by her boyfriend she lives with. She struggles to put up boundaries because she is afraid of being alone. 

--He was arrested the last time he abused her and in less than a month she has bailed him out and is wanting to get back together. I have challenged her to set boundaries and conditions with their reconciliation. 

--In Pastor Mark’s message two weeks ago he talked about how God commended unbelievers for their great faith. Sometimes sinners seem to have greater hope and faith than those in the church. We give up so easily.

--My intention in this series is to present biblical boundaries, what they are, what they protect, how they are developed, how they are injured, how to repair them, and how to use them properly.

1. Water your own lawn.

--Let me give you this example…we have (many of us) kids who have grown up, moved out, lived irresponsibly, came home and continued to live contrary to our values.

--Many times we support them…we buy their vehicles, supply their insurance, give a phone to them, and we give them spending money. They probably have addiction problems yet they tell us they do not have problems. 

--They are right! We are watering their grass! Let’s say your sprinkler system sprays water really well but it always lands on your neighbor’s yard. His yard is green and yours brown and you are paying for it. Wrong!

--Our kids are right saying they do not have a problem; their grass is green. We have the problem. We are spending our money, we are compromising our values, and we are getting angry while they have it good!

--As it stands now, they are irresponsible and happy and we are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep their problems out of your yard, and in theirs where they belong.

--Pastor Rick, isn’t that cruel to just stop helping them like that? Let me ask you a question; has helping them helped to fix the situation? Why would they change when there are no boundaries? No consequences?

2 Thessalonians 3:10-13 (NLT2)
¹⁰  Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”
¹¹  Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.
¹²  We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living.
¹³  As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good. 

--Wow, these verses really give us clear instruction and boundaries to help our troubled kids who are old enough to contribute. Verse 11 says they are idle, refusing to work, and stirring stuff up at home. 

--The boundaries at this home are get a job, get a life, settle down, earn your own living. Pastor Rick, I feel guilt when I do that. Stop it! It is biblical and it gives them clear directions to get their lives together.

--The boundaries force them to make some really tough decisions. Hunger is a good motivator. Be ready for what comes because it may just surprise you. Could be the Marines or the Army!

2. Boundaries are an issue of the heart.

--The entire book of Proverbs is a book of boundaries and it will help you guard your heart if you allow it.

--In the physical world it is easy to see boundaries…fences, signs, walls, hedges, moats with alligators, security lines at airports…they give same message…This is where my property begins. The owner is responsible there.

--Those who do not own the property are not responsible for the property. The owner holds a deed to the property. In the spiritual realm the boundaries are just as real but often harder to see.

--A good godly Christian lady has the right to say to any guy who wants to pass boundaries…no trespassing. God has set boundaries of marriage and I must wait. If you will not wait there will be no date!

--Solomon was trying to set boundaries and help us to identify them because realizing them can very well save our lives and increase our love for God. Recognize the boundaries.

Proverbs 3:1-2 (NKJV)
¹  My son, do not forget my law, But let your heart keep my commands;
²  For length of days and long life And peace they will add to you. 

--Look at Proverbs 4 (for example) and see the short list of boundaries that are there to protect our hearts.

Proverbs 4:23-27 (NLT2)
²³  Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
²⁴  Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
²⁵  Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
²⁶  Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.
²⁷  Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. 

--The Word of God is filled with boundaries, not to make our lives miserable but to bless our lives.