We Need Each Other – 9

We Need Each Other – 9

Subject – Resolving Conflict in the Community

By Rick Welborne

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT2) ²⁴ Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
²⁵  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV) ¹⁵ "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
¹⁶  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
¹⁷  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. 

--I want to take this single statement to talk about today. If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 

--This topic is so crucial to understand in this beautiful community we call church. It also works in all other communities, family, work, sports, etc. 

--My staff have heard me mention this hundreds of times and I have preached on it many times in the years I have been the lead pastor. It’s absolutely necessary for all of us.

--Jesus command and, yes, it is a command can be broken down like this:

1. If there is conflict…

2. You…

3. Go…

4. To the person…

5. In private…

6. And discuss the problem…

7. For the purpose of reconciliation.

--Dealing with conflict always involves a series of choices. With each choice, we are tempted to handle the conflict in a destructive manner.

--But, if we want to be invited into the community of the Trinity and have fellowship with them, we will have to be led by Jesus into a better way. We must obey Him.

--Jesus has given us a set of instructions in the Bible that are so simple that even a child could do them. Basically, Jesus is saying, “Go and tell.”

--Go to the other person and discuss the problem. The odd thing is, we don’t do it. This may be the most disobeyed of all the instructions Jesus ever gave to us. Why?

--Because at each point in His teaching, we face a crossroad. We face powerful reasons to ignore His instructions. We are tempted to go the other way…to go our own way. This may take a couple of weeks.

1. We Must Acknowledge There is Conflict. 

--If your brother or sister sins against you or actually when your brother or sister sins against you. To be alive and to be around people means that you will have conflict. 1. If you have conflict…

--In every community people fight or have conflict. Sometimes they fight a lot, and sometimes they fight a little. Sometimes constructively, sometimes destructively.

--Sometimes fairly, sometimes unfairly. Sometimes fights end in hugs and kisses and new depths of intimacy; sometimes they end in screaming and loss of control. Sometimes they are cold and withdrawn.

Ortberg – To be alive means to be in conflict. It’s part of the Dance of the Porcupines. People may not be normal but conflict surely is—at least in our world. It is an inescapable part of being human beings. Sometimes people think that lack of conflict is automatically a sign of spiritual maturity. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily the case.

--Even in relationships at home, work, or church, the lack of conflict does not mean everything is okay. Often it means that the parties don’t care enough to deal with the issue.

--I have said for years…If you can talk it out, you can work it out. Be brave and talk when there are issues. The place to start is to admit there are unresolved conflict in your life…a breakdown.

--I have dealt with many through the years, when faced with conflict, decide to “junk” the relationship. Pastor, I am done with that person. The problem with that is, it is not Biblical.

--We need each other! Agree? If so, let us determine to face relational breakdown squarely in the eye. If we will be a vital part of this community, unresolved breakdowns are not acceptable.

--This is why in our Covenant Member’s Class conflict is addressed according to Matthew 18.

Matthew 18:15 (NIV) ¹⁵ "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 

2. We Must Own Responsibility in the Conflict.

--Point 2 is “You.” Jesus is saying to everyone who will listen and obey to own the task of seeking reconciliation. We don’t want to do that.

--We have these thoughts or comments…Let the other person come to me. It’s not fair that I should have to be the one to take the first step.

--When we get angry because of the conflict, there is always an element of self-righteousness that causes us to want to blame the other person and avoid taking responsibility.

--We often play the game of justifying our mismanaged anger because of what the other person did. In the church, this beautiful community, that is unacceptable. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT2) ²⁴ Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
²⁵  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

--Owning responsibility means whether the other person sinned against you or you sinned against someone, you have to take the first step.

James 5:16 (NLT2) ¹⁶ Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

--So why should we take the first step? Because people who value community are people who own responsibility to deal with relationship conflicts. It shows your love for the church.

3. We Do Not Avoid the Person, but We Go to Them. 

--Jesus says “Go”. In other words, take action to make sure that resentment does not fester. But I don’t want to “Go” I want to stay and stew. I’d rather be mad. Better to pout. Might get ugly if I go.

--This is a huge step in the process. But be aware things may not go very well. Even if you stumble and stutter over your words, do not let that stop you from being obedient. 

--Yes, use as much wisdom, skill, and kindness that you can. If you wait until you can do it perfectly, you will never go. Doing it perfectly is not the main concern. The main concern is to go.

--Avoiding the situation kills community and it also causes resentment to fester inside of you. This leads to anger which can cause you to act or re-act in ways that are not Christ-like. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT2)
³¹  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
³²  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

--It is a good thing that you have the capacity to be angry. It’s a part of life. But you were not meant to live in an extended state of anger. Anger is like a smoke detector.

Ortberg – It is very good to have one. When it buzzes, it signals something needs to be fixed. Maybe the problem is external—you need to put out a fire. Maybe the problem is internal—the batteries may be out, in which case you need to fix the detector. It’s good to have the detector, but it’s not good to live with the smoke detector constantly making noise. 

--Anger exists to tell you something is wrong and to move you to action. Anger exists so you will be motivated to make it go away. 

--But I need a cooling down period. Really? Most of the time what happens during that period of time is that the enemy throws more and more negative thoughts that increases the anger.

--Two key questions you must ask: 1. Why am I angry? 2. What do I want?Usually the anger is a symptom of being hurt, frustrated or dealing with fear. Once you discern what that is, confess it to God and take action. 

--What do I want? I hope because we are a part of this wonderful community, we want reconciliation. They will take action and Jesus says that action is to go to that person. Obedience.

--Can’t I just pray and have faith that it will work out? You can but is that obedience to God’s Word?

James 2:17-18 (NIV) ¹⁷  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
¹⁸  But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. 

Matthew 18:19-22 (NKJV) ¹⁹ Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
²⁰  For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
²¹  Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
²²  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.